


Believe

by Popples123



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Jalex - Freeform, Jalex Oneshot, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3993463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popples123/pseuds/Popples123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing Alex could believe at this point was simple; love doesn't exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believe

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a couple of weeks ago when I was having a breakdown lmaO.  
> Trigger warnings- verbal abuse, physical abuse, brief mention of selfharm

When Alex started falling for Jack, he cussed out every God he knew of because he had sworn to himself that he was never, ever, ever going to fall in love.

Ever.

It was hard for Alex to believe in love when he rarely saw it growing up.

Sure, his parents did have moments where they kissed, hugged and did nice things together but more often than not, Alex would wake up to hear his parents screaming at one another over the silliest things. It had been happening for as long as Alex could remember and at first he was pissed because really? Couldn't they argue somewhere else, where it wouldn't disturb his beauty sleep? As the arguments started occurring more frequently, however, he knew something was wrong.

Age nine was when Alex began to notice that his mom didn't smile much around her husband. She looked unhappy, but maybe that was just because her beloved hamster had died and she was still grieving.

Age ten was when the arguing began to escalate, like that one time when his mother didn't want to visit Granny. Alex had never seen his dad as angry as he was now, screaming at his wife for apparently not giving a fuck about her family. There was no need for the rage, but Alex didn't know how to stop it, so he crawled under the kitchen table and hugged his knees, gripping onto his favorite teddy bear so tightly his knuckles were going pale. He closed his eyes, focusing on anything except the yelling next door and refused to move until the noise subsided.

Age eleven was the first time Alex gathered up the courage to ask his mother why dad was always in such a foul mood. He thought his mom would be calm about the topic and give a valid explanation. Instead, she scolded him for accusing her husband of such a thing. Normally, Alex wasn't sensitive to yelling, but his mother had always been so nice and caring, and this was the first time she made him cry.

Overtime, Alex became used to the constant fighting and learned to block it out until it was over, but when he became the main subject of majority of the arguments, he started to blame himself for everything that was wrong with his parents relationship.

The first time his father hurt him, Alex was twelve. Alex had arrived home from school and considered hanging out with Rian, but when he asked his dad if it was okay, he was accused of spending more time with friends than family. When Alex denied it, stood up for himself, he felt a swift blow to his side and fuck, it hurt. It hurt because his dad was strong and it hurt because Alex was weak but most of all, it hurt because it was his _dad._ His dad was supposed to protect him, _love_ him. 

Why would anyone hurt someone, especially someone they're supposed to love?

Eventually, Alex got over it and convinced himself that if he behaved, it wouldn't happen again.

Wrong. Aged thirteen, Alex was laying face down on his bed, blinds closed, music blaring as loud as possible in an attempt to drown out the yelling downstairs. Several knocks sounded on his door, but the teenager didn't hear because of the loud music so when his father came barging into the room screaming and cussing, Alex was scared. What had he done now? Was it because of the music? He tried to stand up and shut off the music so he could hear what his dad was saying, but he was roughly shoved back onto the bed, making his head smack off the wall. Although Alex couldn't hear anything except electric guitars, he made out two words that were spat from his father's mouth. _Pathetic. Useless_. It seemed as if everyone thought the same way about Alex; quite a number of people at school had called him those names over the course of a month, but to hear his father, hear the man who was supposed to protect and love him, say those words was the first time that the teenager believed they were true, believed he _was_ pathetic and useless.

Later that evening was also the first time Alex drew a blade across his pretty little wrists, completely mesmerized by the way it made him feel something.

A year later and things were showing no signs of improvement. The arguments were almost constant now, and Alex was living in a never-ending fear of making his dad mad. Nothing was getting better and at this point, if Alex and his mother even _breathed_ the wrong way around his father, there was consequences.

This isn't love.

One day, when Alex was fourteen, his mother done something so unexpected that it shocked him to the core. His family were coming back from a day out to the safari park and for some unknown reason his dad wasn't in a good mood. Alex knew he should keep quiet and not bother his father any further but as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. Before he could stop himself, he asked for the name of the song that was playing on the radio. The car screeched to a halt and what happened next was a complete blur. Alex heard a door slam, and then his door was swung open. His dad gripped the collar of his son's shirt and began shouting. Pathetic. Cunt. Embarrassment. Waste of space.

Alex couldn't breathe; felt like everything was closing in on him, felt like he was going to die. He didn't understand what he did wrong and was paralyzed with fear.

Then his mom began yelling back at her husband because _how dare you speak to your son like that._ Never in a million years did Alex think that his mother had it in her to fight back. She was always quiet, submissive, defenseless but now she was standing up for herself, unfazed by the remarks her husband was making.

Bitch. Stupid. Ugly. Rude.

This was not what Alex imagined love to be like. Who would say those words to the person they're supposed to love?

His father was told to get the train back home and not to return until he had calmed down. Secretly, Alex wished his dad would go live somewhere else and leave him and his mother be. Maybe it was wrong to think so, but fuck, he wished. The whole way home, Alex's mom was on the verge of tears - at one point she actually started sobbing - and the only thing that was worse than seeing his mother cry was the fact that when his father came home, all he said was a meaningless _I'm sorry_. Alex had heard the man say those words so many times he could no longer believe them.

Hours passed, and Alex was far from forgiving his father, but he hoped that maybe this time he had meant those two words. However, when he heard more arguing later that night, Alex completely gave up on all the hope he ever had that one day his parents relationship would ever be healthy. The only thing Alex could believe at this point was simple;

Love doesn't exist.

When Alex fell for his best friend at fifteen, he had no idea what to do. There was no way in hell he was going to let this happen; it was his fault that his family were so dysfunctional and he didn't want to risk being subjected to the same type of relationship as his parents.

So Alex dealt with his feelings, hid them from Jack and wouldn't let a single soul know about them, because surely this was just a childish crush.

Truth is, Alex was just scared to fall in love.

Which is why when Jack kissed him one summer's evening, Alex ran, ran until his legs were aching, lungs burning, head pounding, heart thumping at a worrying speed because _how_ did this happen? 

The one thing Alex had promised to forbid, the one fucking thing that Alex never wanted to happen, was happening.

He was falling in love.

That was impossible though, because love doesn't exist.

But Alex trusted Jack, trusted the skunk-haired boy with his life, so he decided to give this whole 'boyfriend' thing a shot. Jack was elated when he discovered that his feelings for Alex were returned and he kissed the older male until their lips were swollen and they were panting for air. Not a single word in the English language could describe how Jack made Alex feel. Magic? Love? No, love doesn't exist.

Although Alex was still terrified of love, he knew Jack would never hurt him; they were best friends, after all.

They were eighteen years old when they had their first argument. Alex had accidentally spilled some tomato soup on Jack's favorite sweater and when Jack realized the stain wasn't going to come out, he was mad and started yelling at his boyfriend for being such a klutz.

Alex stood frozen solid, petrified that if he fought back he'd end up with bruises, but then Jack called him _pathetic_ and the older boy was fucking furious because that one word triggered so, so many memories from his childhood that he had been trying so hard to forget. It dawned on Jack, what he had said, how it would affect Alex emotionally and he tried to apologize but Alex just screamed for him to get out.

Jack didn't stand his ground like Alex had expected him to. Instead, he just grabbed his wallet and bolted out the door, not even saying goodbye. That bothered Alex, the way Jack could just leave without a second thought, and he found himself curled up on the living room floor with his back against the wall, screaming and crying until his voice was raw. How stupid of him to actually believe in love.

When Jack returned an hour later he found his boyfriend curled in a loose ball, fast asleep, on the wooden floorboards. After some hesitation, he knelt down and gently shook the sleeping boy. Relief washed over him when Alex opened his eyes, but Jack's smile immediately fell when the older boy shoved him away, pleading to be left alone.

Disobeying Alex's wish, Jack sat him up and stared him in the eyes. Alex was the first to look away, and was surprised when he felt a hand tenderly brush the hair out of his tear-stained eyes and a soft pair of lips pressed against his own. A minute passed and suddenly Jack's lips were gone, followed by his hand, and then followed by _him_ , leaving Alex confused and lonely.

Soon, Jack's figure reappeared and in his hands were a packet of skittles, Alex's favorite candy, and a little, stuffed teddy bear with a heart stitched to it's paws. The words _I love you_ were engraved on it and Alex couldn't fight back a smile.

What Jack did next was something Alex never thought he would do. Whenever Alex's parents fought, there was rarely an apology, and if there was one it was just two simple words that held no meaning behind them. However, Jack proved to be different. His hands were placed on Alex's shoulders and he was gazing into Alex's eyes with the most sincere, apologetic look. His left hand moved down to hold Alex's, and for some strange reason Alex felt tummy butterflies.

The first three words to leave Jack's mouth were _I love you_ , and now that Alex thought about it, he couldn't recall a time where he had ever heard his parent's had said that to one another.

Then, Jack started talking about _why_ he loved Alex. He loved how Alex's voice sounded in the morning, the way Alex would sing in the shower, when Alex cuddled up to him as they watched movies, how Alex always smiled into kisses, the sounds Alex would make when the younger boy teased him, the way Alex's eyes shone brighter than every single star Jack had ever seen, but most of all Jack loved Alex because he was _Alex,_ and that was the most beautiful thing in the fucking universe.

Never had Alex heard his parents say anything even remotely close to what Jack had just said to him, and what he said next made Alex's heart melt.

_I don't know who or what gave you the idea that love doesn't exist but fuck, one of these days I'll make you believe._

Once he had finished his rant, Jack pulled Alex into a warm hug, showering Alex's forehead with kisses and continuously mumbling about how fucking _sorry_ he was for yelling.

It took a full ten minutes for Alex to assure Jack that it was okay and once he had successfully calmed the younger boy down, Jack leaned forward and trapped Alex in a passionate kiss.

Maybe love does exist.


End file.
